Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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