Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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