But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
