i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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