just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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