So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
