Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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