My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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