Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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