You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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