Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
