he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
