Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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