guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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