I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
