Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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