i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
