Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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