I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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