My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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