Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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