oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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