Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
