my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
