I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
