Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
