I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
