ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
