Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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