She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
