You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
