On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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