According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
