I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize