This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
