Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
