Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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