I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
