i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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