I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
