I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize