maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
