I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
