haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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