Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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