u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
