also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
