You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
