D3 body, D1 cock
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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