Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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