if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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