So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
