imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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