It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
