you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize