Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i out mim tonsoeep
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
