he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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