You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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