I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
