Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
