I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
