Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
