am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
