dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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