dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
