Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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