Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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