before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
