I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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