My sheets look like a crime scene.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
